Acceptance is a problem!

We are strongly wired to our beliefs. So much so that we find it hard to accept our wrong beliefs. We hold our pre-conceived beliefs close to our hearts and try valiantly to not accept the facts when we are wrong.

But, the fact of the matter is we can’t be right on everything. Human beings have evolved over the years by accepting past wrongs, learning about new discoveries, accepting them, and moving forward.

Think about this:

Many years ago, we believed that the earth was flat. Then one day it was proved beyond any doubt that Earth in fact is round in shape. There was resistance to believe this new theory and hence it was commonly accepted many years later. But the fact is a majority of the population accepted the earlier mistake and changed their beliefs. Without acceptance, this new discovery wouldn’t have got the necessary approval.

Then, there was this belief that the Sun moves around the Earth. Once again it was proved many years later that the earlier thought process or the earlier learnings were wrong. Once again, people discarded the wrong knowledge and accepted the new learning and humanity progressed.

Only when you accept that your past learning was wrong, then only you will be able to learn and accept new findings. This is a fact and no one can deny this.

Recently I was having one of my evening walks at my terrace with my 7-year-old daughter in tow. She has this habit of turning a teacher once in a blue moon and that day she asked, “OK, Papa, answer this. How many planets do the solar system have”?

I said, “9”.

My daughter (remember, she is a teacher now) – with both hands at the side of her waist (forming a teacup) gave me a stern look.

I acted in bewilderment.

“What happened”?, I asked.

“Come on, Papa. You are wrong. There are only 8 planets in our solar system”.

I said, “OK name them”.

She started, “Mercury, Venus…ending with Neptune”.

I said, “what happened to Pluto”.

“Pluto is not a planet, Papa”. She said. “It’s a dwarf planet”.

I said, “But in my school, they taught me we had 9 planets with Pluto being the 9th one”.

Now it was her turn to show bewilderment.

She said, “Do one thing give me your mobile, I will show you on YouTube”. I opened YouTube and gave it to her and then she took out the video where it showed that the solar system has 8 planets.

I patted her head and said, “good”. See your father learned something new today.

She was happy knowing that.

I continued, “as you grow up, never accept anything at face value be it from your parents or from anyone else. Because we all are human beings and we might be wrong too. But don’t argue just for the sake of argument or don’t think that you are always right. Whenever you feel anyone, is saying something which you think is wrong, bring out the facts (like showing the YouTube video) and prove it. Don’t argue without data and similarly do not accept just because someone senior tells you something. Have the belief in yourself to validate it”.

If our children are taught that whatever we say is right then they will never venture out to find out what could be true. From our childhood, we are taught not to argue with seniors. Accept whatever the teachers are saying without questioning. I believe this is wrong. Because as parents we should teach our children to try and discover new things. Explore the unknown and when he or she thinks that another person has spoken something which is against his or her learnings or values, then stand up and give your inputs.

This is how they will learn to question – this is how they will explore the truths.

In life and at work we should follow the same example. When you are meeting with your boss or colleagues, you should question when you think the point raised is against your beliefs. By accepting whatever is being told even when you know it is wrong, you will never be able to be happy at work. 

I can understand there are bosses who do not like their subordinates to question them or challenge them. That’s the signal of a toxic culture. If your boss does not accept the challenges or do not accept the wrongs then the team will become a band of “yes men”. And when you are surrounded by “yes men” sooner rather than later, the organization will end up making some big mistakes that could take years to rectify or could never be rectified.

As leaders, we should be flexible. We should give confidence to our team members that we could be wrong. We should allow them to criticize us openly. It’s much better that they criticize you openly than they talking about you or laughing about you at your back. When they criticize you, as a leader you need to accept their thought process, see what’s going wrong, and make sure you change the situation. 

Your team members look up to you. You are a celebrity for them. So when they see that their leader accepts the mistake and makes changes, they will get emboldened to question you openly when they feel something is wrong in the organization.

A great company is built by a great team. You can’t build an organization alone. But if you are surrounded by yes men then in effect you are alone running the show. In the long run, your company’s growth will stagnate.

Allow people to question your beliefs and when they bring data to the table, accept the wrongs, appreciate their inputs and make changes to your plans based on these new facts. When your team sees that their inputs have been accepted and they see that their leader appreciating such inputs and putting their ideas into action – you will be able to build a company where there is fewer gossips, fewer politics, and more accountability.

Are you allowing yourself to be questioned?

Are you accepting your mistakes?

Are you learning and growing?

Let’s discuss!

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